Live and Let Live

When visiting the Netherlands for the first time, you will probably be struck by the fact that everyone here is quite absorbed with his or her own piece of social space. People don’t immediately speak to strangers, on the trains everyone tries to get a seat where they can sit alone and the foreign visitor soon has the feeling that he or she is being ignored. However, the latter is usually not the case, because when you do address them you'll be surprised at the friendliness of their response.

The Dutch usually keep their homes very private, so it is a rare treat to be invited into a Dutch home. You may have to know someone for months before he or she actually invites you home. And the Dutch usually do not associate hospitality with food: you will only be invited to eat in a Dutch home after a very long friendship.

The Dutch like to keep a certain distance from others, and that is really not so strange in a country that is amongst the most densely populated nations in the world.

The Dutch also like to congratulate themselves on their tolerance, but the correct description for this character trait is ‘Live and Let Live’. A sort of: ‘If you leave me alone then I’ll leave you alone’. This way they have fewer conflicts.

The Dutch are, above all, pragmatic. Call it pragmatic tolerance. The Dutch appear to be world leaders in the field of progressive attitudes. They always ask themselves what the consequences of their actions may be.

Take prostitution. The Dutch tend to think that it will happen anyway, whether they prohibit it or not. They legalise it, to prevent prostitution from going underground, to have access to the prostitutes, to promote condoms and hygiene and to prevent mistreatment of women forced to work as prostitutes. The logic is simple: ‘tolerate it, rather than prohibit it and subsequently lose control’.

The sale of limited amounts of soft drugs has already been tolerated for years. A Dutch person would think: If soft drugs were forbidden then their use and traffic would go underground and no one could legally control it any longer. Furthermore, the prices would go up, forcing some users into criminal behaviour sooner rather than later. The remedy may be worse than the disease.

Lesbian and gays could officially marry. The senate has approved the legalisation of euthanasia, under strict conditions.

Sex at a young age, is another good example of the same tolerance. Undesirable according to many, but treated pragmatically by the Dutch. Kids will have sex, whether you like it or not. So, at 12 years old, they get education and can go to a clinic to get contraceptives. Anonymously, if they want. Their parents won’t know.

Does this stimulate Dutch adolescents to have sex at a younger age, as critics might claim? No. Dutch youngsters have their first sexual experience relatively late. And more importantly, the number of abortions and unwanted pregnancies among teenagers is the lowest in the world.