Unlearning Love

It was 4 am and still she was awake. She was starry-eyed, but not because she couldn’t sleep. She was trying hard to fight back the dew drops falling down her cheek. Everything was throbbing… body, heart and mind.

He just closed the door, and her heart smashed in it.

She didn’t know what to feel.

Disoriented, she fidgets for her phone. Stares at it, then decides to shut it off instead. She wakes up few hours, pillow drenched… with a real bad headache. She’s gonna party today she says. Being alone and unattached ain’t that bad. Yet when the music started playing, she hears one of their so many songs, and… she cries.

She couldn’t believe she still had tears left.

It was all going back to her. How he systematically turned her life around with his presence, how his voice intoxicated her. Clinging on to whats left of her hear life, she shuts those visions off. Enough... But she knew that the person she was trying to forget was the only one she needed to ease the pain.

Perhaps erything wasn’t as cosmic as she thought after all.

She wanted to look for someone to blame but she knew too well that she won’t find anyone. She crafted her own sweet suicide. And yet amidst of it all, she still craves being lost in his arms. The only choice should be to flatiron all hopes until she was numb. If only she can unlearn loving him, she would. Then later on perhaps she can unlearn how to cry, how to block the visions of their hands intertwined, how to numb her skin from reliving the feel of his touch, the warmth of his breath, the comfort of his arms.

It’s never easy - unlearning love letting go what’s hard to even hide needing and wanting. She can forget him… Of course…